Saturday, August 12, 2006

SUBTERRANEAN SUBWAY STORIES V

"We have to stop meeting like this", I said to the man as I put my arm around him to grab the pole to pull myself into the Express at 72nd Street.

Not another word.

But I got on!

Every morning during these times of War, I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette. From 86th Street and Broadway to 42nd and Times Square. I wonder how many stops we'll make before somebody blows up the train!

Contrary to popular belief, the subways may be getting better, but the passengers are getting worse.

What happened to that post 9/11 "love your fellow man" etiquette? Remember when good manners and good behavior were back in style for 5 minutes? Guys were practically throwing down their handkerchiefs so you could cross the street!

And speaking of crossing the street, a brief word to those idiot drivers - "If you run me over - you're not going anywhere either. Get your car, cab, truck, motorcycle, bike and/or scooter out of the crosswalk!" Those white lines are there for a reason; not so you can see how close you can bring your vehicle up to my thigh!
I hate to drive! My friends and a few close acquaintances know that I'm famous for running over the "WELCOME VISITORS" sign in the Universal Studios parking lot out in Los Angeles.

I learned to drive in New York City - which in itself is an oxymoron. You learn how to survive behind the wheel in New York City - learning to drive is a whole other story. You learn to park as if there are going to be actual parking spaces. You learn to signal as if anyone else is paying the slightest bit of attention. You learn how to dodge in and out of traffic like Mario Andretti and talk on your cell phone at the same time.

And please - lean on that horn people! Lean on it as hard as you possibly can!

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